Well folks, I’m of the superstitious lot, and I apologize if anyone was looking for this column over the past two weeks. Between SuperStorm Sandy, a whirlwind work trip overseas (yes, folks… he has a day job!), and general disgust over the Tennessee game… it didn’t happen. After three weeks with this column, and three consecutive wins, I’ve gone two weeks putting one of these together and the ‘Fins have suffered consecutive losses. A close game with the Colts was followed by a general no-show against the hapless Titans… Well, I say “nevermore” if this column in some superstitious way the return of this column brings a win back to the ‘Fins. Hey, it’s only silly if it doesn’t work, right?
So after weeks of solid performances from the likes of Anthony “The Bear Jew” Fasano, Richie “Ram-Man” Incognito, Joe “8D8” Philbin, Paul “Yokozuna” Soliai and a plethora of others, who can we point to this week? Who’s new nickname will translate to elevated play, consistency? Who has earned a nickname or a look-a-like comparison, or could use the boost of a ridiculously cool nickname?
This weeks edition is going to be full of super-hero references, in hopes of raising these guys back up to their Superman-like stature, instead of playing like his bumbling alter-ego Clark Kent.
Jake “He-Man” Long – He may not be playing up to par this season, and I suspect the knee injury at the end of training camp is still a factor, but I challenge you to name a better left tackle in the NFL, or one who has been as consistent day in and day out on both a physical and mental level. Additionally, the man would drag himself on the field in spite of any injury. Let’s see you start returning to form, He-Man, and smashing folks left and right with Ram-Man right beside you.
Davone “Batman” Bess – No superpowers, no great size, no super speed. Yet he always brings the fight to the other team, and he seemingly comes out of nowhere to make the tough plays on a consistent basis.
And now, in a different vein, I’d like to nominate four defensive players combined, as the Fantastic Four:
Sean “Mr Fantastic” Smith – The guy is built like the leader of the Fantastic four, and plays with crazy body control and agility. A critical component of the Dolphins defense, he moves so fluidly and stretches his body into the most insane positions to catch a football.
Cam “The Thing” Wake – The obvious choice for the Thing, Cam looks like he’s made of bricks and rocks when he takes his shirt off, and the guy just plain smashes through lineman, running backs, quarterbacks, tight ends… anyone in his way. He just plain can’t be stopped. “It’s Clobberin’ Time!”
Olivier “The Human Torch” Vernon – This guy is completely on fire. You’d be hard pressed to watch a ‘Fins game without seeing the rookie come in and show up on game day. Blocked field goals? He’s flown up in the air and done that a few times. Returning blocked punts for TD’s? Check. Sacking the quarterback in critical situations? Yea, he does that, too. Plus, the Human Torch even flies through the air in perfect position to block a punt. I mean, c’mon folks! Flame on, Olivier… Flame on.
Richard “The Invisible Woman” Mathews – Yes, this may be a cheap shot, but one done in fun. You can’t have the Fantastic Four without the Sue Storm, and for that Richard Marshall is the obvious choice (He was the heir apparent that allowed the ‘Fins to trade Vontae to the Colts, right?) as he has barely sniffed the field this season.
Alright folks, now IN visible women, I leave you with this weeks iteration of the latest in Lauren “Oh Damn!” Tannehill (Hey, maybe that was what brought the wins, instead of my ridiculous nick-names… though she’d make a great Wonderwoman – if Bond can go blonde, why not?):